last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
