***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
