Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
