I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
