Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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