he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
