you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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