Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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