ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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