You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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