I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
