Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
