At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
