You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
