So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
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I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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