I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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