He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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