I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
