Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Randomize
