Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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