Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
