Fine. I'll sleep in my office
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
