My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
