The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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