Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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