New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
