so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize