Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
