You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
