those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
