I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
