Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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