Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so let's talk penis.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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