I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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