Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He passed out mid-signature
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
