these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
