your room smells of hookers.
And success
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
