I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
