it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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