the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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