All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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