just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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