We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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