All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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