A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
