i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
