I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
