I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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