im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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