Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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