i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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