Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
