Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
