I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
