Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
