I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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