I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
