I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
