Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize