im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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