The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
