wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize