There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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