im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i will never coherently bang her
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
