Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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