very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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