Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
