I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
