he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
