I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
