Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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