i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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