UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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