Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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