if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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