I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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