Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
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I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
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Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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