if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
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I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
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Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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