Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
