So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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