I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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