Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
