What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
