So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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