i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
