that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
